Felix: I am not the New Pope

Though eligible for nomination, today I discovered after a closely held contest that i was not going to be elected the 265th pope. Of course I would have been Pope Felix V and that has a much better ring to it than Pope Benedict XVI because there have been fifteen before him to live up to. My selection would have been less conflicting. Oh Felix V is better/worse than Felix I or III much easier to compare and contrast. Of course the last anti-pope was Felix V.Though I am not quite sure what an anti-pope is i woudn't want to be one, particualrly when being Pope is such a hot ticket nowadays.
So there you have it. Another million or so are going to die because I won't be able to endorse the use of those little rubber thingies. Still a billion plus followers would have been apt for my ego and at only 38 my Papacy would have been the longest and would have spent the rest of my life doing what I do best, pontificating.
I am not a sour loser, may God bless Cardinal Ratzinger and pray that he wakes up to a 21st century and re-brands faith as something personal and not to be bought on a coffee mug or slotted in a ad during Survivor. In nomine Patris, et Filii, et Spiritus Sancti. Amen.